No independence.

I feel so freaking awful right now. I don’t own a car and I’m in college… like I’m starting my life here, and it’s not like I live in a dorm. I live in an apartment 10mins from the community college I go to. No, I don’t live at home. I would hardly say I have a home, unless you want to count my boyfriend’s parents house because I usually stay there every weekend. It’s horrible to have to have someone drive your butt around because you can’t take care of yourself or have your parents get you one. I have nothing. No independence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything I DO have… I’m just soo tired of feeling incapable. And I wish there was something I could do about it.

Let’s Make A Change

Most of us worry about all the wrong things and become caught up in society’s ignorant ideas. Instead of working out for that-summer-body, why not work out to be healthy and make yourself better? Instead of using layers of make up, why not use that natural beauty? As cliche as it sounds beauty starts from within. Instead of worrying about what EVERYONE thinks, maybe just focus on the important peoples opinions in your life.

I wish more people cared more deeply for others and their feelings. So many people hide from the world because of the awful things the media, etc. have brought into our lives.

What about happiness?

I want to be make sure I’m happy in the end. But I guess we choose to be happy. So no matter what happens or what I decide, I can be happy. That’s comforting.

8 DAYS

until I’m in Hawaii for vacationnnn! SO excited!

This is a tough one…

I have a bit of a problem… I am oh-so eager to marry my boyfriend. Let me give a little background… As of right now, we’ve been dating 8.5 months, we can never really stay mad at each other, we don’t fight, thought we have our little tiffs, we  sincerely love each other deeply (because I know now a days ‘love’ is thrown around like nothing), we are each others first boyfriend/girlfriend. What else? Well these always seem to be the deciding factors for outsiders to look at a couple and say they are ready to get married. My friends that see my boyfriend and I with each other or just hear me and the way I talk about him, they all say the same thing. That they see how much we truly love one another and how cute we are, etc. So back to the issue.
I am ready to marry him. He’s ready to marry me. We can’t stand to live without each other anymore. This is what we want and to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m ready for that. But I have to finish college and he’s planning on going off into the army. I’ve come to terms with being an army wife, and I feel comfortable with that being my role; to be there for him in everything. We want to get married this summer before he goes off to basic training. If this is what we decide, I’ll live with him on base. And if this happens, I won’t be able to attend the current community college and play softball I am at right now next year. Most say it would be a waste for me to never play softball again because of my talent. I love to play softball, but I find difficulties at the college level commitment added onto the academics. It’s just hasn’t been the same for me. Everyone also says I could receive an athletic scholarship to a four-year.
What do I do? Get married, start the rest of my life, finish school on the move and maybe online, find a job/career on base… Or finish my schooling, meanwhile playing softball, then join him on base in 3 years?

Sometimes I let my wants take over my decision making ability and unable me to realize what the best option for myself is. I’m afraid if I don’t marry him and join him on base this year, I won’t be as happy if I’m off at school. It’s the little things that become so meaningful like sharing a bed at night or coming home from work/school to the one you love.

Help.